I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
