Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
