Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
