i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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