Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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