Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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