I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
