k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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