sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
