now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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