so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize