Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize