Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
