member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
