i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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