You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
