I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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