Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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