I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
