That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
