At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
