I could make wine with my vomit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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