I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
