Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
