I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
