I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
