I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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