Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
