One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
