Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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