I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
