So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
