Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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