i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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