Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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