he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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