so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
