Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
