I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
