But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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