remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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