ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
