There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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