Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
