apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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