I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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