So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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