you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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