She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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