His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
