big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
