I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
