she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
