Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
