ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This baby is an asshole
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
