I'm so fucking centered right now
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
