So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
