Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
