Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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