I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
