We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We don't watch enough power rangers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
