i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
