ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
