I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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