Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
