I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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