Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
