I am in a vortex of obligation.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
