ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
