considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
